Miranda finally said it this morning. While getting her prepped for the bath, I was loudly wondering when she would start saying the M word. She gladly obliged.

Anyway, she’s already spent the same amount of time outside as she did inside me (38 weeks 2 days). She’s approximating the sign for “milk” and “dog” (She loves Abu. Always gets excited when he’s around which is why I decided to teach her the sign together with “Mommy” and “Daddy”). She plays this little game where she pulls herself up to a standing position and sits down over and over and over again. And just like Mommy, she likes music, bobbing to the beat of a tune playing on the radio or TV.

First, I was just tired and losing sleep. Now, I’m worried silly all the time. It’s been like that since Miranda arrived. Is she getting enough breastmilk? Is she receiving enough stimulation? The list goes on.

And now that my little one has learned to crawl and cruise, I’m always afraid that she’ll hurt herself the moment I look at something else for a split second. It doesn’t help that her favorite activity right now is pulling up over to the edge of the mattress as if to launch herself off the bed.

Is all this worry a good thing?

A week after the ooh-ing and ahh-ing of family and friends over our new arrival, it was time to get back to real life. Sleepless nights, crying fits, smelly diapers and all. It sure wasn’t filled with cutesy-patootsie moments. My visions of soft-lit hallmark-worthy motherhood scenarios were more the exception than the rule.

As you can see, it took me quite a while to get blogging again. It’s the baby’s fault. Or rather, it’s my baby addled brain’s fault. I’m on call 24/7 to cater to the offspring’s needs. Nothing else. For awhile there, I began feeling that I was a shell of my former self. I barely had time to watch TV. I’d rather sleep than catch up on my reading. I couldn’t have a few minutes to myself in the toilet. I would forget to clasp the nursing bra close and walk around with my tits hanging out underneath my clothes. It was crazy.

Living with Miranda had an intense learning curve. I thought bringing her into the world was going to be enough. Pregnancy put my life on hold and I was more than ready to go back to my old ways. I forgot that it was only the beginning of nurturing and child-rearing. Life plus baby was something I needed getting used to.

So here I am taking it one day at a time. Slowly but surely, a semblance of order has returned. Most especially now that Miranda has started sleeping through the night and has a routine in place. And I’m working again too. I just need to learn to juggle all these things together.